She's scared she's below "The Society's Standard of Beauty"

The world around her seems to be without worries except her tiny little niche. I know it's all in her head but it feels so real and is making her depressed.

Based on how far she's come and things she has experienced, she is supposed to be happy and grateful for coming out unscathed but no, something's not right.
Something's missing. 
What she doesn't know is that it will always feel like something is not in place.

Too bad she is slowly giving in to social pressure and questioning almost everything.
She walks past a pretty girl in school and asks why can' t I be as beautiful?
She sees a cute guy and asks "Why can't I be his girlfriend?"
Is she not good enough???
She asks, "Why did I have to be me?" when she walks past a mirror.

Her self esteem is being threatened and she is yearning towards throwing in the towel.
I'm sad that she is sad.

She's been told " You don't have the face for it", "If only your hips were wider" "Your upper lips is a bit too big" "So, this is how tiny your legs are" and my personal favorite,"Your breast is bigger than your body".  
Too bad these words have faces attached to them cause they are from people who matter in her life. She was torn and somehow found a way to remold and better. Or that's what she thought until now.

She was and still is to a great length ashamed of her image but God bless her soul and shield her from the agony of self loathe.

Be strong, little one. You are not alone. 

Opinion: My Perfect Flaw

Today, I've got my thinking hat on
Lemme first grab a carrot.


 I really like it when movie characters are not branded "bad" or "good" in all of their doings because I know that's untrue. For this reason, I find it hard to relate with "ideal" or "monstrous" characters portrayed in movies.

I like real.

Real in the sense that "No one is completely good or bad", at least that's what I believe. That has had me acknowledge people's strengths and give almost anyone I meet the benefit of doubt.
I consider that one of my strengths.

Movies were for the longest time my window to seeing the world but then I understand they [the directors and co] only let us see what they want us to see. Usually, it is something that will help sell the movie.
I appreciate "real" movies because they inspire me to eventually tell my own story and understand that it's okay to not be perfect. The movie St. Vincent and series Parenthood were centered on everyday experiences that highlighted our flaws and accentuated our strengths as a people so I'd consider them timeless. To me.

I think more people need to know that it's okay to not get it "right".
A lot of practices we consider "normal" are other -dead- people's opinions they got through trial through errors living life and with time yours may eventually be considered "normal" by generations to come. So live so you can leave quotes too!

Since we didn't come with a "One size fits all" label or manual
Then there is is no absolute right way to live.
It's not absolute. Nothing is.

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Dear Future Me

Ditto                                                                                                                March 3rd, 2015

Hehe,

    If you are reading this, it's about time you do it. You've thought about it enough, C'mon go for it.

Before I forget, Congratulations on making it to this year's TIME magazine's "most influential people" list. I told you we'll make it. If you are yet to receive that award, just keep being you, the world will notice. They can only ignore for so long.

I hope our married and work lives are nothing short of what we imagined in those days. I must say, you were quite adventurous when you lived in my head and I'm glad you are now in control of our self .  I'm very certain you will make the best of what we have. 

I have a few pointers about life that hopefully will be relevant to making our dreams come true. 

• Stay true to us.
• Don't be afraid to walk through a crowded room for the first time. Stalling is a waste of time.
• Make mistakes. Plenty of them. They are an important detail in our timeline.
• Family is everything. It comprises of close relatives, friends, colleagues, etc. You reserve the right to choose who makes the list.
• Nothing is absolute, including you. Very Important.
• Be naughty. It's allowed.
• Reinvent us.
• Invest in our career growth. 
• Remember how beautiful we are. Flaunt it.
• Don't force it. It's most likely not worth the stress.
• Live. Regardless.

Okay, enough pointers. Remember to add more or even delete if needed.

Remember me in your paradise o. I'm so proud of you, hun.

    

Hope our babies are doing great. If they are not there yet, relax, chill, they'll all find you.

Give your biggest baby space to be himself even when  both of you are always in each others face. #coughs, Hehe. I know!

   Remember, so many people love and sacrifice for you daily; do the same for others like we planned.

Your least amazing self yet,

Of course, me!

Ride on.

Living Different, Knowing It and Loving It

Have you ever wondered how that girl who knows she is ugly by society's standard feels when ever the slightest flaw on a "gorgeous" person is been scrutinized and made fun of ?
Ever wondered how a man who is emotional feels when something heartfelt happens and he is expected to be a "man" by being detached?
Ever wondered how an independent and career driven woman feels when society constantly tells and reminds her of what her life goals should be?

  Maybe you have or you haven't. I think you should consider how someone else's life is being affected by your words. We are not made of stone and thankfully, I have a mile thick skin so it's easier for me to shrug the irrelevant things I read or hear as suggestions to how best my or anyone else's life should be lived.

  Thankfully, we are all different from each other and the combination of our experiences make us unique in our way. It takes some people longer to fully understand and that we are different even if they agree.

• Not everyone will grow up to be religious: Don't go hating on people because they do not see the need to worship like you do. They are different, just like you are.
• Not everyone will love what you think is ideal: You don't understand how your friend can be with his/her partner, well, it's not your duty to. You see no "good" in being gay? Like I said mind your biz-wax. She is not an academic genius, you relegate her to the background and say "She's just a woman?" Haba!

You cannot understand everyone and Not everyone understands you.

Always do what you do for the right reasons. At least let them be right to you and and your conscience. Remember to consider that there are always consequences to our actions, both intended and unintended.

Live and Let Live!

Boy Drama. #NeverAgain

I'm back from the long over due "break" I took from the blog. Truth is, I was pretty much having a "writer's block" and of course, lazy days.

But, hey, I'm back now!

Straight up, I'm here to talk about a boy. Yep, you read right, a boy.

It all started as a joke, an innocent joke.You know, I was trying to keep a convo with dem girls going when I admitted that I actually liked someone! Seeing that it was rare, they decided to make a pool outta a tea cup and I couldn't help but swim in it.

I caught myself loving the vulnerability and attention my apparent "like-interest" brought me. I thought I could control the pace of how it'll all go down but I lost trail. It got worse. I was starring in my worse scenario titled #BoyDrama! To be fair, he is hot and fine AF!

This whole infatuated feeling continued to linger and I wanted it out of my system . That was because apparently he didn't think of me beyond being "friends" and I wouldn't blame him. There was no reason to but the "buzz" created this faux feeling that had me weak in my knees for days!

One day, I decided I couldn't possibly be in this drama all myself and all in my head. So, I told him up front!

And all he could muster up concerning my "proposal" was "Okay". 

 "Okay"? Really??? Well.....that happened.

 Although we are still just friends, I struggle to comport myself around him. thanks to the constant reminders I have as friends. SMH

This experience really sticks out for me because I rarely actually act on my feelings for guys or make a big deal out of them and thanks to him, I will probably never do that again. 

In related news, I actually do have a boyfriend.
Happy Sunday.

Leaving for School

    Finally the day to start my "life altering" journey had come but I was not feeling like I thought I would. It was a bitter-sweet feeling knowing that I was leaving all I knew behind for this new world with endless possibilities that could go wrong. I kept putting off doing things that in some way confirmed that my days at home was numbered. I couldn't bring myself to call friends to say "goodbye" or even pack my bags.

The morning I was to leave was one I won't forget. After dressing up I was told a "special ogbono soup" was made for me. Ha. I couldn't resist taking few balls of garri after all I probably won't readily see it in America, which was true because it took about seven months before I saw garri and soup. As usual, my sister didn't disappoint, the food was delicious but my stomach was filled with excitement and the tension from being anxious of what lies ahead.

In the middle of all these mixed feelings, I felt something profound when I took a long hard look both of my sisters and my mum, silently praying that when next I see them they'll be whole and hearty like I'm leaving them.

My sisters got me a beautiful pearl jewelries set and wrote a poem that had me catching feelings even though I already teased them that I won't miss them or cry as I leave. Soon I began my final compound-wide goodbyes to my neighbors. As I went door to door to greet them, the praises and prayers they gave made me feel like a million box. Before then, it was still surreal and took me acting out a notable scene from "Osuofia in London" to live in the moment and be cheerful.

Good times.

Whenever I look back to that day the picture in my head captures when I turned and saw my mum alight a taxi she took to follow me after she had already bade me goodbye back at home. I was already missing her few blocks from home, so, seeing her was like a prayer answered just in time to make me feel better.

Next stop: Port Harcourt Airport, Omagwa.

My journey to Living in America was set in motion.

If you think last year, 2014, was bad...2015 doesn't look any better!!!

Happy New Year? More like Troubled New Year!!!

Imagine this year, 2015, being anything short of the goodies we experienced as a people or packed with more woes that we suffered in 2014! God forbid. Tufiakwa.


I have been getting this really disturbing feeling that things may not look as well as anticipated.

Nigeria has quite a lot on her plate and we are not chewing as fast as we should! With the fall in oil price leading to inevitable financial crisis , anticipated elections that may likely be messy, boko haram saga and other all time classic Nigerian issues, we have have fewer reasons to be jolly but we can rise through. I know we can.

I hope to see things improve and I am a firm believer of DIY when it comes to creation of jobs. If we can sell that notion across the country, the number of people who will implement it rather than cross legs and watch telemundo anticipating our government to come through, may be among the few to survive and make money by appealing to a "market" and working to keep it that way.

Overall, we have reasons to believe that in most business sectors private individuals do it better. Our entertainment industry has grown immensely and we can't miss the weight it pulls in the whole continent. I believe same can be achieved if driven private individuals with finance/capital are encouraged by government to create workshops, factories, warehouses that will have the enabling environment for growth.

I'm sure millions of entrepreneurs see the vast business opportunities that lie within us but most of them won't bulge because of the strict regulations/policies that usually serve to grease the pockets of corrupt officials, high operating cost because of NEPA palava and security issues that make headlines on major international news giants' sites. Now these are areas that are in need of urgent attention of government not starting white elephant projects with leaks that gulp millions year after year.

We have to do something differently to have different results.

l

Welcome to Odumeva Blog - Launch Post

   Well well well, apparently a lot of people have been peeking to see what I have to share and frankly I don't have a specific purpose for the blog yet but it will be discovered by you and me along the way. The number of views on the blog when it had no posts gingered me to start writing and I'm glad it did. I welcome all criticisms, opinions and side-talks so please don't forget to drop comments if you have something to say.

Let me introduce myself.

I like to think of myself as witty, quiet, observant and very opinionated but my 2015 resolution included tweaking the quite part of me so I can live a little without feeling an iota of guilt -Yeah, that happens a lot!

This blog is not always going to be about me, but be rest assured it's going to be about life through my four lenses- yes, I use glasses.  I think my take on life is quite unique and you are just about to see why if you stick with me. By the way, for my readers who would like to get to "know" a little bit more check out my personal Insta-handle @jollofeva.

I'll try to post stuff regularly despite my school schedule. I'm hoping the drive to write will push me to live outside my dorm room. I'll try to give my readers explicit tell-it-all gist but bear in mind I'm not a professional writer, at least not yet.

Finally, I want to give a shout out to my three muses @ezin_wanne @rozlynsteve, and @syn_tia. Thanks for giving me nudges when I needed them. To my readers, thank you for taking time out to read. Oya don't forget to bookmark this site. Watch out for part 2!!!